Life and Death and Pets
How two friends transformed mutual loss into a beautiful mission
Note from In Loving Paws: We are deeply saddened to announce we are closing until further notice due to Covid. It has been our deepest pleasure and honor to have served so many of you during difficult times. Be safe and be well. (09/22)
When we adopt a pet, we know it is going to end with us having to say goodbye, but we still do it.” —W. Bruce Cameron
From the moment we bring them home, our pets become part of our families. We nourish them, train them, and make sure they have soft beds to lie on. We play with them, include them in our family photos, and take them on adventures. For many of us, our animals are our children. Our “fur babies.” Our best friends. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for them. It’s no wonder why saying goodbye to a pet can be so difficult.
When a pet dies, we are not only losing a primary companion, but also the routines built around them, and the unconditional love that they provided. Psychologist Guy Winch said that “grief over the loss of a cherished pet may be as intense and even as lengthy as when a significant person in our life dies.” After all, to many of us, pets are people.
When our pets start to show signs of decline, we can often feel overwhelmed and confused by our options. But supporting our pets in death is just as important as the countless sacrifices we make for them in life. Standing beside them through that dark time and easing their way can be the one last gift we give them after all that they have given us.
The founders of In Loving Paws in Gloucester understand this. They want pet owners to know that the death of a pet doesn’t have to be scary or traumatic. In fact, with the right guidance and preparation, it can be a peaceful and even beautiful experience.
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When an animal becomes terminally ill, or is so elderly that they are no longer enjoying life, the owner will usually bring them to the vet to be put down. This can be the right decision for a pet that does well with car rides and vet clinics, or if the owner has financial constraints. However, the ordeal can be distressing for the owner if they wait until an emergency, at which point they may have only minutes to say goodbye. It can be stressful for the animal as well, especially if they become anxious at the vet or are uncomfortable around strangers.
When a sick animal is whisked away to a clinic on short notice, it can also leave other animals in the home confused. Pack animals like dogs tend to see families as units, and understand their position in relation to other family members. The sudden absence of a fellow pack member may leave a dog feeling uncertain about his role.
For these reasons, in-home euthanasia has long been available as an alternative to a clinic visit. An increasing number of veterinarians offer home-based care and there are also referral services that connect pet owners with local veterinarians that offer house calls.
In Loving Paws takes end-of-life support for pets to the next level with customized, compassionate in-home euthanasia for dogs and cats in Essex County and parts of southern New Hampshire. Their business model hinges on highly individualized care throughout the entire process, from the very first phone consult to the time when they hand-deliver the animal’s ashes to the owner’s home. The small, dedicated part-time staff assists pet owners through their grief, while specially trained veterinarians create a healing environment and ensure a pain-free transition.
What distinguishes In Loving Paws from other services is the amount of time they spend counseling pet owners before, during and even after the home visit. They prefer to get to know clients and their families, creating personalized action plans for every dog or cat. They believe that building a relationship with the owner is the best way to facilitate a positive experience for all concerned.
In Loving Paws was conceived when best friends Kelly Butterworth and Kristen Garvin decided to officially combine their expertise — Butterworth as a veterinarian and Garvin as an MBA business consultant. But In Loving Paws may never have come into existence had it not been for two very special pups named Lexy and Bishop.
“They totally understood how difficult it was for me to make that call. They assured me that the visit would be peaceful, nothing like a visit to the vet.”
Butterworth and Garvin met in 1994 as students at Hamilton-Wenham Regional High School when they were seated next to each other in homeroom. They would go on to play on the school’s basketball team together. After graduation, they went their separate ways for college and then graduate school. Keeping in touch was difficult. After all, this was in the days before Facebook and texting. However, whenever they found themselves back in their hometown for holidays, they always seemed to pick up right where they had left off.
In 2014, Garvin’s ten-year-old Hurricane Katrina rescue dog Lexy had been battling a long and mysterious illness, which had cost Garvin many trips to the vet and thousands of dollars. To make matters worse, Garvin was experiencing a health crisis of her own and was in and out of the hospital.
“One morning Lexy kept collapsing. She gave me this look like she was done, done fighting,” said Garvin. “I had to be at the hospital for surgery. It was horrible timing.”
As luck would have it, Butterworth had a hole in her schedule and rushed to be by her friend’s side. She performed a quick euthanasia on Lexy, and Garvin’s husband took charge of disposing of the pet’s remains.
Six months later, Butterworth was living in Florida when her eleven-year-old rescued bait dog, Bishop, escaped his fenced-in yard and was hit by a car. Butterworth returned home late from work to find him lying by the side of the road. She never had the chance to say goodbye.
When a bereft Butterworth came back to Massachusetts, she and Garvin found themselves reconnecting over not only their shared pain but also their mutual regret that they had not been able to give their canine companions a more dignified passing.
“These were our soulmates,” said Butterworth. “They were like people to us.”
Although it was too late to help their own animals, the two women began thinking about ways that they could transform tragedy into an opportunity for healing.
“She’s a vet. I’m an MBA,” said Garvin. “We just realized we could do this so much better.”
The friends started having weekly brainstorming sessions over tea. These conversations quickly became the highlight of their week. After a year and a half of hashing out the details, in February of 2017 In Loving Paws was officially open for business. From their heartbreak, something beautiful emerged.
Both women claim to feel the presence of their spirit pets every time they speak with a new client or make a house call.
“Lexy goes with me on all of the appointments like a comfort stone,” said Garvin.
“I never feel closer to Bishop as I do during euthanasia visits,” Butterworth concurred. “It keeps me grounded for the client.”
In addition, the women say that their angel animals continue to inform all of their business decisions. Their guiding principle is “Is this what we would want for Lexy or Bishop?”
In Loving Paws offers end-of-life assistance in three phases: counseling, the home visit, and the homecoming.
When a pet owner first calls In Loving Paws, they are connected to a knowledgeable and highly trained staff person. In almost all cases, the person who answers the initial call is assigned to the case moving forward.
“This helps the family feel taken care of and aids their grief process,” said Garvin.
Each conversation is unique and takes into account the needs of the animal, owner and other household members. For ill or elderly animals, pet owners are given a way to gauge their quality of life from day to day, and to know at what point scheduling a euthanasia appointment might be the most humane decision. If an animal’s health is in an advanced state of decline, that appointment might come sooner rather than later. The pet owner learns what to expect from the euthanasia process and what it would look like for their dog or cat. The staff member works to ease any insecurities a client may have and to answer their questions.
Butterworth and Garvin met in 1994 as students at Hamilton-Wenham Regional High School when they were seated next to each other in homeroom. They would go on to play on the school’s basketball team together.
Every aspect of the home visit has been meticulously curated, from the color of the sheets to what the veterinarians wear and how they speak. Nothing about the experience resembles a clinical setting.
There are a number of core principles that are integrated into every house call. The animal is surrounded by their favorite people, toys and blankets. The veterinarian then administers a customized pain medication and sedative that allows the pet to be fully relaxed while still remaining conscious.
“They are one hundred percent comfortable,” said Butterworth. “All of the anxiety and discomfort is gone. They can still hear you. They can still feel you.”
The owner is given time to bid farewell in their own way, whether by reading a letter, reciting a poem, or saying a prayer. The vet then delivers a pain-free injection that causes the animal’s heart to stop. The transition is so gentle that some pet owners ask to check the creature’s heartbeat again to make sure they’re not just asleep. The animal is then removed by the staff with as much dignity as a human body would be treated.
A few days after the euthanasia appointment, a care package is hand-delivered to the owner’s home in a process In Loving Paws refers to as “the homecoming.” If the owner has requested the animal’s cremains, they are presented along with other thoughtful items and keepsakes to honor the pet. The staff person delivering the package is available to stay with the owner during the unpacking ritual to provide encouragement. However, Garvin says it is usually a joyful and uplifting occasion rather than a somber one. By then the owner’s pain is less raw, and the homecoming provides that final sense of closure.
“It is easier to share that intimate moment with someone who they know and trust, and who has been there with them throughout the entire process,” said Garvin. “The faces of our clients are full of gratitude.”
That sense of gratitude is still very much present on the faces of their former clients when speaking about their experiences with In Loving Paws.
Brenda Pazzanese of Newburyport first called In Loving Paws when she learned that her fourteen-year-old Jack Russell Terrier, Tilly, had months to live after being diagnosed with a liver tumor.
“They totally understood how difficult it was for me to make that call,” she remembered. “They assured me that the visit would be peaceful, nothing like a visit to the vet. My girl left me looking as if she were asleep. Tilly came home in a beautiful bag with her urn, a container with her hair, another with her paw print in clay. I was at peace with the entire process, knowing I did what I wanted to do for her. After fifteen years of unconditional love, I owed her that.”
Sue Goros of Amesbury needed a plan for her elderly cats Elsa and Zephyr. The formerly feral cats were mother and son, a bonded pair that had never been apart for seventeen years.
“I called In Loving Paws in distress,” she said. “They compassionately guided me through the task of sparing my beloved cats pain and discomfort. I was assured of their humane and professional commitment. My family said our goodbyes in the peace and privacy of our home. Not at any time did we feel rushed.”
Louis Kaucic and William Merritt of Gloucester were the doting fathers of a sixteen-year-old Welsh Corgi named Lovey.
“The person who first took our call set the tone with her empathetic style,” they recalled. “When the vet showed up at our home, her calming presence made what could have been traumatic as comforting as possible. Having Lovey fall asleep in our laps was poignant, almost dreamlike. I cannot imagine ever doing this again without In Loving Paws.”
Diane Driscoll of Lynn knew the end was near for Seamus, the cat that had been her loyal companion for twenty-one years.
“This was one of the most difficult decisions of my life,” she said. “In Loving Paws was patient with me, their guidance professional and empathetic. The vet treated Seamus with respect and made one of the most painful experiences of my life sacred and meaningful.”
In Loving Paws is a labor of love that consistently puts people over profits. Butterworth and Garvin prefer serving the community where they are based and have no desire to relocate, even though it could mean increasing their clientele. They plan to bring on more full-time employees in the future but have no intention of making In Loving Paws a franchise, saying that it would compromise their client-centered business model.
“Our mission is to serve each family as we would our own,” said Butterworth. “However the business evolves, we have to be able to do that. There is nothing more important.”
Shawn Henry is a Gloucester-based editorial photographer
▶︎ For more information on In Loving Paws, visit their website.
